Prayers Needed

My Christian faith has always managed to get me through some pretty tough times, and now I am needing it more than ever! Nate and I were expecting our first baby in July. I went for my yearly check with by OB doctor yesterday. I went in at the 12 week mark. She tried to listen for the heartbeat. As I laid there while she ran over my belly with her instrument, I was so excited to hear what was growing inside of me. It seemed like she was trying for 5 minutes, but it was only probably about 2 minutes. She could see I was getting upset because she couldn't find anything, so she let me chose. I could wait until next week and try again or I could go and get an ultrasound. I opted for the ultrasound and was very fortunate I could get in that day. I asked her if it was common to not hear the heartbeat at this stage and she said yes. I went home right away and got on the internet and read in my baby book that many women have had that happen, so I felt okay, not great but okay.

Nate took me to the hospital for an ultrasound. When we walked in the room I could sense something was different. The technician asked me what problems I have been having. I had told her no problems, they just tried to get the heartbeat today and couldn't . She then got me ready for the ultrasound and rubbed the instrument on my belly again for a long time. She only found the sack or whatever it's called. I was nervous and scared at that point. She decided to get closer and do another type of ultrasound. She again only found the sack and it was measuring at 6.5 weeks. I didn't know what was going on and just wanted to cry!

She called my doctor and we were able to meet with her. We found that I did get pregnant, but the egg never was able to attach to my uterine wall. So at about 6.5 weeks the growth stopped. My body still thought I was pregnant.

Nate and I sat in the office and just listened to every thing. I think he was listening more and I was just in shock. I still can't believe it. So now we just wait.

I've gone through a roller coaster of feelings; anger, sadness, understanding, not understanding, frustration, and the list goes on. Nate's had some of those feelings too. He has been a great comfort to me.

I'm writing this down because this is my journal. Writing helps me to express my fears, sorrows, and joys. I also write this to ask for your prayers. I know all of you who read this have been praying for Nate and I during our pregnancy. Now we need prayers to strengthen us and comfort us.

My Christian faith will help me through this. We both believe that God has a plan for us. He had this happen for a reason, we don't quite know it yet, but we know He doesn't let things happen just because. We pray that God will draw us near during this difficult time and bless us in the end. I know that Nate and I are supposed to be parents some day. That's why God brought us together. I need to be patient and pray.

Thank you for your prayers!